Regret
by notgonnatellu
Summary: "Marry me", he said. "Okie dokie", Thomas replied without any hesitation, and Newt loved him even more after hearing those two silly words. / modern au, wake up married


It was a gray, slow morning. A new day, new possibilities, a fresh page yet to be written, right?

"I regret this already..."

The pain in Newt's chest was starting to become more and more intense by the second. Thomas had whispered the words quietly, but Newt wasn't deaf.

With sad eyes he stared at Thomas, who was studying the cheap ring on his ring finger. Thomas turned his gaze to the wrinkled piece of paper lying on the floor, he had squeezed it to its current state just a few moments ago. Thomas let out a frustrated groan and buried his face in his hands.

Newt swallowed visibly, running his shaky fingers through his already messy hair. The sound of his heart beating was so loud he couldn't concentrate. Shame and anger burned just under his skin and a deep emptiness filled his heart slowly. His mind was repeating the same sentence over and over: _don't do this, Tommy, please, don't do this..._

Newt had to close his eyes. The miserable look on Thomas' face hurt him too much.

One of his dreams had come true last night. He was now – as crazy as it sounded – married to Thomas. Their marriage had lasted a little less than 12 hours and nothing had gone according to plan. Nothing was how Newt had dreamt it would be.

Had they been drunk last night? Absolutely. Had Newt meant every word he'd said while under the influence of alcohol? Of course. Alcohol had been the reason why he had decided to propose to his best friend in the first place. He had had enough of it in his veins to believe he could finally make Thomas his. Alcohol had made him brave enough to try his luck.

 _Marry me_ , he had said.

 _Okie dokie_ , Thomas had replied without any hesitation, and Newt had loved him even more after hearing those two silly words.

Newt had thought Thomas felt the same. He had been so happy.

Two hours later they had returned to Newt's flat, rings on their fingers and a marriage certificate in their pocket. Newt had felt like he was in heaven. Thomas' lips... Those damn lips. Newt had wished for _years_ to feel them against his own but had already given up hope. And oh boy was kissing Thomas worth the wait. Sparks had flown in every direction, the world slowly disappearing around them. Thomas' hands on the back of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair, Newt was sure his smile had never been so big. Just being near Thomas seemed to light him up.

Thomas had fallen asleep before they could go any further, but it hadn't bothered Newt at all. He had just smiled fondly, kissed his husband's forehead and fallen asleep next to him. They had all the time in the world.

Newt had woken up an hour ago only to find Thomas holding the marriage certificate, sobbing. It was more than sobbing, though, it was the kind of crying that came from a person drained of all happiness. He had never seen Thomas like that, he had never seen him so upset.

Newt could practically hear his heart shatter when Thomas told him he couldn't understand what was going on. _His new husband_ couldn't remember anything that had happened last night.

-/-/-

 _Thomas felt funny. Dizzy._

 _They had been drinking. A lot. Thomas was pretty sure they were all drunk._

 _He and Newt were sitting alone together, away from the others. They were honestly having a great time, just the two of them. They were joking and giggling and even singing a little bit. Thomas found out that they were both terrible singers, but at that moment it didn't really matter._

 _Newt seemed happy, genuinely happy. Thomas could see it in his eyes. So full of life._

 _All of a sudden a funny look formed on the blond's face._

 _"_ _Marry me?" Newt grinned._

 _There were a thousand things Thomas wanted to ask him. Why on earth are you asking me to marry you? Why now? Do you **like** like me or something?_

 _Thomas snorted unintentionally, and his best friend's eyes glimmered hopefully._

 _But then again the thought of marriage sounded really good to him. Always together, in sickness and in health or something like that. Plus, Newt had a lot of good qualities. He was tall and nicely built, he had amazing hair and beautiful brown eyes. Newt always stood by his side no matter what, he was smart and a very loyal friend._

 _Thomas was unable to stop the smile that bloomed over his lips._

 _So. Him? Married to Newt? Yeah, that didn't sound all too bad to his very drunk brain._

 _He said yes._

 _The smile that spread across Newt's face was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. The best smile Thomas had ever seen, he was 100% sure of that... even though he still felt very, very dizzy._

 _-/-/-_

He didn't remember.

Newt swallowed again. Tears started to burn his eyes, but he refused to cry. He had no right to feel sorry for himself, he was the who got them into this mess in the first place. He had to stay strong, for Thomas.

 _"_ _I regret this already"_ echoed in his mind. Thomas didn't want this and it _hurt_.

Why did he always end up regretting everything when it came to Thomas? Why did it have to hurt so much to know that Thomas didn't care about him the way Newt wanted him to?

Hopefully they could fix this easily. Hopefully they could just forget that this ever happened and stay as good friends. After all, they had only been married for less than a day.

He watched as Thomas removed his ring. Newt was afraid he had just made the biggest mistake of his life, the mistake that would cost him his Tommy.

"Tommy..." Newt started hesitantly. For the first time ever the nickname burned his tongue and left permanent scars on his soul.

Thomas looked up to meet his eyes. Newt took a deep breath.

"I regret this, too", he lied.

* * *

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